I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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