Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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