we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
