were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
