the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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