The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
