I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
