Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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