Yo dont text me then not text me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
