3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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