your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
