I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
