at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
