I hope my margaritas pass through security.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
