Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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