Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
