I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
