Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
