Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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