i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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