we're chasing vodka with high fives
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
