I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
