I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
