That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
