There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
