I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
