Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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