is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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