You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
