Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
