She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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