you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
