I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
