are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
