Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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