I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
