he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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