If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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