I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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