your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
