I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
