Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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