She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
