i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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