Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Vodka?
Forever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
