Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
