I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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