I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
