My first STD was from a foam party
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I smell like Dick and happiness
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