I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
