I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
