I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
two words: eviction party
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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