Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
PANTIES FOUND
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
