i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
