I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
