I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
